you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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