Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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