i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
