Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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