going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
