At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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