when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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