I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
