Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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