Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
