aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize