just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
