I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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