dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
