I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
