Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Will you blow on my dice?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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