The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
