the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize