just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
