His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
