I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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