the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
