a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
