Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
