And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
