is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
