If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
