The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
