Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
