We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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