Whod you bang
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
PANTIES FOUND
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
