I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What a dumb baby whore.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
