I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
