EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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