my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
