The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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