also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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