hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
