If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
