I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
