We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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