I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
