Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
