you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
