Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
