Duck Duck Cougar?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
