I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
