oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
