if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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