I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
