I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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