ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We need a shit load of segways right now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
