the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
