oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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