i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
