Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
