i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
