she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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