dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
