Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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