the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
