So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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