You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
