I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
