i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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