Sponge bath it is.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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