four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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