I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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