They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
