You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
