i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
