just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
