Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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