nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
