I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
