I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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