i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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