Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
