I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize