According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
