Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize