1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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