he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
