hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
