How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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