so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just invented taco cereal.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
