No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
