it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
