Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
