I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
