I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
