At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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