please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize