I just threw up on my dentist
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize