I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she looked like the before picture.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
