she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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