For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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